VACANT

I’ve changed… I noticed that I’ve changed. A lot. I’m made to believe that I can be truly happy if I have a girlfriend or someone that I could flirt with. Only realizing that my idea of happiness is shallow. Before, I was this guy who never let’s go of his cellphone. A guy who always has someone to talk to on the other line. After each and every relationship that I’ve ever had in my life there’s always someone next in line. After a month, a week, even a day. I was never vacant. Always pre-occupied. But there’s something in me that I just don’t know. I’m serious when I say that I love someone. But there’s always a point wherein my love just ain’t enough. Even if I’m giving everything I have and everything that I can. Still ain’t enough. It always leads me to being this “awhile” guy. Miserable for awhile. Lonely for awhile. Can’t eat, can’t study, can’t do anything for awhile… I’m for awhile stuck to being that. And then the rebound comes along. Whether a friend or someone I just met. I never really cared as long as it makes me forget the recently expired “Contract” between the recently “Expired” person. I’m pathetic and I admit that. Chasing all those shallow women is kinda pathetic.

Now… I don’t know what happened… I’m different and I know it. Plans of asking for a car became plans of having a motorbike instead. Plans of buying gifts for someone became plans of saving up for my future. Phone being left at home or forgetting to charge it. most of the time being spent outside rather than staying in. Drinking with friends and just having fun. Everything that I did by myself and with my friends made me ask myself, why would I want another girlfriend if I have so many friends and so many reasons to be happy? Though I miss being taken care of, but it’s all good. Don’t need that now. Having a new relationship from the top five of my list and now not even making it inside the list. The idea of having a relationship is like a person waits for something better to happen. Am I bitter. I suppose so. Maybe I’m just meant to be single. Maybe. I’m vacant for now. And I just don’t know how long will I stay this way. It’s better to be alone. No one can make me feel worthless and no one can hurt me. and best of all…. I am FREE.